Saying Goodbye

Mary V. Knapp
February 3, 1939 - November 27, 2008

I know it has been awhile since I posted last, but the last few weeks have been extremely difficult for me and my family.

On November 6, we were told that my Grandma K. had lung cancer. When that diagnosis was made, I moved myself and my children back to my hometown so I could spend some quality time with her and help my Mama take care of her.

My grandma spent 5 days in the hospital after the diagnosis and then returned home. I stayed with her and drove her to doctor's appointments and made sure she took her medication on time and made sure she was eating and drinking and just spent good, quality time with her.

It was almost a week after we learned that she had lung cancer before we knew what kind of lung cancer it was. On Wednesday, November 12, we visited her oncologist who informed us that she had small cell carcinoma. Being an internet and research junkie, I had already googled, asked, wikipediaed, etc. the disease. We were all praying that she would be diagnosed with non small cell lung cancer (the better of the two).

Unfortunately, our prayers were not answered in that regard. We began praying for time and treatment immediately. One week later, my grandmother was back at the hospital having a port placed so that she could begin chemotherapy the following Monday. After the port was placed, we visited her oncologist again and he admitted her to the hospital again. She was severely dehydrated and her blood levels were way off (potassium and sodium off the charts high and her proteins were almost undetectable).

She was confused and paranoid and we really just wanted her to get better. That did not happen. On Thanksgiving day, November 27 at 5:40 pm, my grandmother was called home to become heaven's newest angel. She was surrounded by the majority of her family and my mom and I never left her side.

The past two weeks have been the hardest two weeks of my life and until now, I have not been able to tell this story. My mom has been telling me for at least a week now that I needed to post something new and I just haven't been able to. You see my mom is an only child and so am I. The two of us have spent the last two weeks planning a funeral, dealing with insurance companies, monument companies, credit card companies, and sorting through closets, file cabinets, dressers, etc.; just taking care of business.

A couple of minutes ago marked the two week anniversary of the passing of my dear, sweet grandmother and while I am still struggling with the loss of such an integral part of my life, I have come to the realization that she would not want me to dwell on her passing, but to live, laugh, and love my life to the fullest.

In the words of my grandmother, "Don't have a funeral...have a PARTY! I will be in a better place and will be loving every minute of it!"

While we can't seem to bring ourselves to have a party quite yet (there is one in the works for what would have been her 70th birthday), we are having more good moments and laughing a little bit more each day.

Christmas won't be the same this year, but life continues without those we have lost and we must LIVE in spite of our grief. I hope you all have a blessed Christmas! I know I will because I have a new guardian angel watching over me and the ones I love!

One request

Hello! I know it has been awhile since I posted last, but there have been quite a few new developments in my family. In my last post, I told you about my Gramma W. (my dad's mom) being put into hospice care.

She is 87 years old and her body is just tired. She is tired, but she is fighting with everything she has. She was actually brought back to her home on Wednesday, but she is still in hospice care. She is doing better and her appetite has been a lot better the past couple of days. She is no longer needing as much pain medication, which is good because that stuff sure does make her loopy. She gets very confused especially when she has to take her pain medicine.

I sat with her on Thursday while my Aunt Hootie aka Judy went to work. We had a rough day and she kept me running most of the day on Thursday. I think she was still adjusting to being back at home. Yesterday was much better and we had a wonderful day together.

The other day McMommy posted about being blindsided at 10 AM. Well, I now know how she felt. While I was sitting with my Gramma W. (dad's mom) the other day, my mama called. She wanted to let me know that my Grandma K. (her mom) had been admitted to the CVICU (cardiovascular intensive care unit) because she had a lot of fluid around her lungs.

I was shocked to say the least. My Grandma K. had been having trouble breathing for awhile and would not go to the doctor because she is a very stubborn woman; AND she absolutely hates going to the doctor. My mom finally talked her into going and she was admitted.

Later that day, an oncologist came to talk to my mama and informed us that my Grandma K. has lung cancer. She has a large mass on the upper quadrant of her left lung and multiple smaller tumors in her lung. It has also started spreading into her right lung.

We do not know what type it is exactly, but the doctor has said that it appears to be Stage IV cancer and it looks very aggressive and very angry. My mama is terrified and worried, I am terrified and worried, and my Grandma K. is terrified and worried.

You see, my mama is an only child and I am an only child (which makes me an only grandchild). We are hoping to have some results from biopsy samples and fluid drained by Monday. But in the meantime, my ONE request is for your prayers. Please pray for my family, and for God to show us the path he has laid out. Pray for peace and understanding to fall on my Grandma K. and pray for my mama and I to have the strength to make it through this difficult time.

I will be back to post more when I have chance, but I make no promises on when that will be. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and week to follow!

How was your weekend?

Hello again my wonderful bloggy friends and family (those of you that have stuck around while I have been MIA)! I know that I promised some new pics and all of that stuff, but can I tell you that life has been a little hectic and the camera has been the last thing on my mind.

First, my amazing Gramma has recently been put into hospice care and is not doing as great as we all wish she was doing. She is 87 years old and is one of the most generous, loving, and wonderful women I have ever met. She lives about 60 miles from me and I have been spending as much time as possible with her (although, let me tell you that it has not been as much as it should have been).

Secondly, I have been sick. Not really sure what has been going on with me, but I have not felt well for the last week. A slight cough, a slight upset stomach, and a raging headache for most of the last week.

Thirdly, (is that a word?) I have been doing some really, really, really hard homework. I don't know if I have said it before, but going back to college at the age of 31 REALLY...REALLY...SUCKS! I am in my 4th term of classes and they get harder and harder (yes, I know that is how it is supposed to work, I just didn't think it would be this hard).

Fourthly, Saturday was the day that I promised Tamara her birthday sleepover. She invited 3 of her friends, although only one of them got to spend the night, and all 8...yes you read that right, 8 of us went to the movies to see High School Musical 3. It was Paul and I, our 3 children, and 3 of Tamara's friends. Let me tell you.. Zac Efron is a cutie and I liked the 1st two of the series, but that movie is soooo cheesy. I was laughing at parts that were not meant to be funny. People (all the tweens, teens, and kids) kept looking at me like I had 3 heads. Anyway...if you have children that would like to see it...wait until it comes out on DVD and rent it for them (that way you do not have to watch it.) Guess I won't be getting any endorsements or anything from Disney now :-(

Lastly, I know that I promised pictures from Halloween, and I do have some....BUT you will not be seeing them on this post. I forgot my camera Friday night; we went to a friend's house to get ready and then to another friend's house for an impromptu party. We had a few drinks, took the kids trick-or-treating, and then had a few more drinks. All in all we had the best time. My wonderful friend, Charity took pics for me of all my kids (except Tamara, cause she is too old to trick-or-treat with her parents), and I even let Charity get a picture of me in my costume. She should be emailing them to me soon, and as soon as she does I will post them for everyone to see.

I hope that everyone's week has started off to be a great week and I will be back with pictures soon! (hint, hint Charity ;-)

Welcome to my new blog!!!

Hello everyone! I know it has been awhile, but I have been in the process of moving my blog. I hope you haven't missed us too terribly. (Mama, I know that you have missed reading the day-to-day, and I am so excited to be back in blogland!)

Now that my life has changed quite a bit in such a short amount of time, I have more time to blog and keep everyone up-to-date.

This weekend the fam and I will be going out and taking some new family pictures, so be on the lookout for some new pics to be posted really soon. I do have some that were taken a month or so ago and I will be posting them in the next day or so.

Well, I hope you all enjoy the blog and the new look. I will be back later with more news and pics!